“Stop.””Deer.” “Blocks.” Most times, Salty and I are all about coming to decisions jointly and not bossing one another about. There have been times though when one of us needed the other to instantly and efficiently take direction without questions or argument. “Stop” prevented a bloody tool accident. “Deer” drew the driver’s attention to a beastie emerging from the dark in time to brake. “Blocks” meant “put those concrete blocks under this corner of the camper Right Now, because the leg just collapsed and I can’t hold it off my head forever!” (Salty can pack a lot into one word when necessary.)
Episode 182:Choose A "Magic Word" For Your Prepping Group
Salty and Spice discuss "Magic Words", pre-arranged words or phrases that mean "do what I say, right now, I will explain later". Go to Beans, Bullets, Bandages & You by clicking HERE!
If everything looks fine to your companions, how do you get them to instantly Stop without question?**
Sometimes tone and context are all you need to convey the urgency of instant compliance. But what if you need to keep your tone mild, but “Stop” has to mean “Stop Right The Heck Now because that momma bear under the tree is swaying her head and looking pretty cranky”? Or what if the word has to be sent as a text, or whispered? Families need to have an instantly recognizable, very brief code that produces immediate obedience.
When to use the Magic Word.
If this code – I call it the Magic Word – is going to be useful, it has to be reserved for times of utmost urgency. It should be used only when instant obedience really is critical. After the fact, the person who heeded the Word should always end up glad they just shut up and did what they were told.
Why? So it will work next time. Complete and instant obedience comes from only one of two places: Deep trust, or deep fear. I’m Really hoping nobody’s going for the ‘do it because I terrify you’ groove. That leaves deep trust. Most people dislike being ordered about, especially when they’re not free to object, comment, or question. If they find you’re trying to force them into that when it’s not necessary, they’ll resent it and quit cooperating. Or they’ll underestimate the seriousness of the situation.
(Some organizations also strive for such obedience. They work very hard at remolding the members’ social identities to try and get it. Even then, it’s only partly successful.)
It seems to me two conditions must be met to make the use of the Word appropriate. 1) One person has knowledge the other doesn’t that is critical to understanding the situation. 2) Instant reaction is required or Something Very Bad will happen. You see that the ‘stick’ your partner is about to step on is a rattlesnake? Use the Word and tell him to Stop. You’re tired of the argument and feel you just need it to stop? Absolutely do Not use the Word and tell your partner to drop it.
The Magic Word and children
Kids can be taught the Magic Word as well as adults. We had one in my house. I remember one beautiful summer morning hearing the word as all we kids were bustling about our campsite getting ready to go play in the water. Mom calmly used our Word and added “Freeze”. Six children froze like a game of freeze tag, one with a pool float half raised, completely silent. We all looked to Mom, who pointed out the skunk waddling like the King of Creation right past our tent. The only sound was the buzzing of a stray fly until the beastie made its way elsewhere. Tent remained UnSkunked.
The tail was up, a bad sign … but when we froze in response to the Word, the skunk ambled on without escalation. *
I urge you to not only teach the Word to your kids, but respect it if They use it. If the use was inappropriate you can deal with that later. It’s more important to model trust in each other and real cooperation. Also, the kid might be the one to spot the snake.
Clarify the rules
What makes a good Magic Word? Well, it should be short and simple; one word or a brief phrase. It ought to be meaningful to the family but not come up often in casual conversation. Salty and I actually use one we borrowed from a book we both liked.
You may want to practice responding to it from time to time. That should be discussed when you decide as a family on the word and talk about its use. Any practice should be very brief and in no way used to manipulate people into doing something you wanted them to do anyway and they would have resisted. Such a use would erode trust. Just use it for something totally innocuous and congratulate everyone when they remember how to respond. And don’t do it often; you don’t want the novelty to wear off.
After the time pressured drama has passed, everyone should be free to question and hear the whole story. That too will reinforce the value of paying attention to the Word. It also reduces the crankiness people may have about having been summarily bossed about.
You won’t need the Word often … but if you do it might literally be life and death.
* Thanks Skeeze [CC0] for the photo.
** Thanks to Pink Sherbet Photography from USA [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)]
Good post. I have a magic word for my friends children. When I knock, they ask me what’s the magic word. If I tell them the correct word, they have been allowed by their parents to open the door and let me in.
You can be triple sure I’ve ensured that there is NO ONE around to hear it other than them.
Their parents have had me a couple of times to try to talk them into just letting me in. Hasn’t worked. Magic words are M A G I C.