The Reluctant Spouse, Part III: When the Reluctance Isn’t About Reason

In previous posts of this series (Part 1, & Part 2), we’ve talked about how to approach the topic of prepping with a reluctant spouse, and some talking points to counter some of the common objections. There’s even a podcast meant to be played for the spouse (which incorporates some of the ideas in this post). That’d be all it took if everything was about logic.  But it isn’t, we’re people.  Sometimes people don’t want to prep because you can’t prep without contemplating the possibility of bad things happening.  

The first thing to do when you recognize this is climb down off your high horse.  Nobody likes to be talked down to from up there.  Besides, we all have different coping mechanisms.  Some people cope by avoidance … and others cope by overcompensating on the aspects they can control, for example.  Do you know any preppers who cope with their worries by buying more stuff than is really necessary, because buying stuff is something concrete they can do and it makes them feel better to take action?  Do you perhaps brush your teeth looking at such a person?

So, your spouse is being a human instead of some logical construct. They’re probably better company than a robot anyway.  The thing is, if you can help your partner find a way to cope while preparing for life’s storms, you’re both likely to come out of those storms better.  It’s worth the effort to try.

Start smaller

The End of the World As We Know It is both really scary, and has a small enough probability to seem reasonable to brush off.  So don’t start there. Start with being prepared to deal with events that are very likely to happen; the storms, the water main breaks, the short power outages.  Help your partner get a feel for the confidence and peace of mind that comes with knowing You’ve Got This; and without any reason for feeling silly about it.  

Pro tip:  The preps you’ve got don’t care if it’s a big snowstorm or riding out the first worst days of a TEOTWAKI event.  The food eats just the same.

Build hope

Avoidance is most attractive when we don’t think we’ve got any better option.  A lot of the popular image of the prepper is pretty darned grim, centering around paranoid sorts in unwashed camo hunkered down in a bunker between perimeter patrols and gnawing on ration bars.  The belief that The Government Will Save Us might sound better than that, too … a strategy of avoidance with a chaser of wishful thinking, in other words.

What if you were to muse upon how it must be hard on the kids of those hurricane victims, cooped up in a shelter like that…Too bad they can’t be tucked in in their own houses, playing their Chutes and Ladders by the light of the solar lanterns?  It’s not just about survival, it’s about Thriving, no matter the circumstance.  

Sell insurance

Insurance is, to an extent, buying peace of mind.  You don’t expect to need all of it; you really hope you don’t; but it gives you a warm fuzzy to know that if something bad does happen, you’ve got a plan.  One of the things most people really hate is uncertainty, and times of crises just reek of uncertainty.  Knowing that if you do get some preps in place some of that awful uncertainty goes away can make the whole process easier to contemplate.  Examples are great here, even if it’s just pointing out that the funny noise from the car engine on a dark and stormy night was not as bad when you knew AAA was just a phone call away.

Speak to what’s most dear to them

I recall at one point when Salty mentioned we had a little food on hand during one of those ‘Some Guy Has Calculated the World Ends Next Tuesday’ scares, and a neighbor joked  (sorta) ‘Guess I know where to bring my kids to get food then’.  The look on the guy’s face when Salty answered “Isn’t that your job?”…

Many people who have reluctant spouses also have children, and in-laws, and nieces and nephews and beloved pets (I’m not going the ‘fur-babies’ route).  Is it not worth facing some uncomfortable things to be ready to take care of them when they need it most?  How low a risk of a bad event is low enough, when you’re gambling on the well-being of those you care for most?

Look, I don’t pretend to have all the answers.  It’s just that avoidance was one of my own favored strategies early in life, and I never noticed it worked out all that well.  These are some of the approaches I used to work past my reluctance to face some unpleasant circumstances; and I still use today when I am tempted to just sit under the apple tree and not think on troubled times.  I hope you and yours find them helpful too.